The January Blues

I think this will become a blog post about astrology, but it begins with a feeling:

Disgruntlement. With a side of hopelessness.

I don't know about you but this January feels harder than most. January is my time of year. I was born on the 4th, way back in 1974, when the backdrop was loud, and full of pattern and colour. I usually feel a lift at the beginning of the year, when my birthday rolls around, and it's more about me than everyone else. When Christmas has been ticked off. Presents given and the obligatory decorations put away. There's a sense of renewal. Of freshness. Of possibilities. Sights can be set on the year ahead and, with that Capricorn spirit initiated, energy can be rallied for plans to be made. What will I achieve this year? What will I aim for? What will a decide to be disciplined about and to work towards?

Last year astrology was my focus. I'd signed up for some new classes. I'd started writing blog posts more frequently and I had a social media strategy and intention. Post more. Build engagement. Put myself out there more. I committed to in person readings with a wonderful well being studio. Things felt promising. Like change was possible and I could actually do this. And for much of the year I did. I got into a routine. I made time to invest in it. My website was active and full of life. My social media was busy and vibrant. I had some bookings, and met some wonderful people, and gave some rewarding readings. But somewhere along the way. As the year progressed. My energy for it waned and feelings of irritation and strain crept in. I didn't seem to be getting any bookings from all the effort I was making. And it was a lot on top of the full time job. I started to question the point.

I figured that would change when January arrived. I trusted that as the new energy poured in, and my inner seagoat was in the spotlight once again, I would feel as hopeful and enthusiastic as I'd done last year, and would begin again. I thought I'd be inspired. And clear on what to do and where to go. And assumed I'd have the energy to take action. To do. In order to be.

But I don't. I'm tired. And indecisive. I no longer like what I have but don't seem to have the will to do anything about it. I can feel that change would be good. Is needed. But I don't seem to be able to work out what that should look like. Let alone action it.

Now I should mention here that I am just getting over the flu. And am aware that could be part of the reason I am feeling so gloomy. It makes sense. But I am a traditional astrologer. And I am also fully aware that everything is written in the stars. So even the flu was destined. And if this miserable mood is predetermined. If there's meaning and purpose in it (as I've learned there is in everything), then a conversation with The Gods should illuminate the why and perhaps that will give me a new perspective and help to shift me into a more constructive state of mind.

This is what traditional astrology offers us, after all. Not prediction in the fortune-telling sense, but perspective. A way of seeing our inner weather as part of a larger pattern. When we feel stuck or lost, the question isn't "what's wrong with me?" but "where am I in the cycle?" There's dignity in that. Permission to be exactly as we are, because the cosmos itself is showing us that this moment has its rightful place in the unfolding story.

So why is this January feeling so hard?

The Astrology

Let's first ask Saturn. The taskmaster. January is His domain after all.

Where is Saturn and what is He highlighting to us at this moment in time?

Saturn is in Pisces and finishing up a two an a half year project that He's been working on in the sign. Pisces is the final sign of the zodiac wheel. Aries is the beginning of the story, so Pisces is the end. Pisces is where we conclude. We resolve. And let go. In order to begin again fresh, to be reborn, and initiate a new story, in Aries. So it's possible. If we view it through Saturn's lens. That Saturn is also tired. Saturn is also worn out. Saturn is also low on energy. And look at all The Gods currently in Capricorn! Gods that Saturn, even in his worn out state, must host. That's quite a weighty bunch!

Venus, God of love and relationships, of pleasure and joy, still burned out by The Sun's rays and in the 29th degree, the critical degree, of a sign She sees the purpose in, but isn't exactly aligned with her carefree nature.

The Sun, who in Capricorn, needs to work hard to shine.

Mars, our God of War, fired up as His best self in Capricorn and newly reborn but still under the beams of The Sun.

Mercury, heading into The Sun for Their own rebirth moment.

And The Moon. Farthest from Her home of Cancer, She is also in Her balsamic phase, hidden in the dark, awaiting Her own rebirth with the New Moon on the 18th of January.

All of whom are opposite Jupiter who, as God of expansion, is performing His usual job of amplifying exactly what They are doing and how They are feeling.

So even if all we take is this picture, and we ignore all the other factors we could layer in, it seems entirely reasonable that I am feeling so low. It seems entirely justified that there is no energy to be had, at the moment. No inspiration. No hope. Our Gods are embroiled in a process. And we have no option but to be where we are, be where They are, until things change. As they will. As they do. As time ticks on.

Can we be where we are?

If this is a seasons end. A stories end. Then perhaps what we're feeling now is needed. Perhaps it is a time to grieve. To feel the melancholy of a time that is ending. In order to make space for the new to arrive. Perhaps now isn't the time to begin the new. That time will come. But for now it is time to just sit in the dark and allow the feelings be. They won't stay. Nothing ever does. Given enough time.

And things will change. The line up of Gods will process onward into Aquarius where the mood will shift and we will glimpse an ideal future to carry us forward. Each will meet Pluto, Lord of the underworld, and will descend to their depths to be reborn again. Skin's shed. Cleansed by the fires of hell. Naked. And new. Just in time for Saturn to leave Pisces to join Neptune in Aries, and begin that new cycle around the wheel, and write that new story. Venus will move out ahead of The Sun and will shine bright once more, gracing our sky with Her glorious illuminating presence.

Who knows how we'll feel then. When all that change is afoot. Perhaps then I'll find my direction. My drive. My inspiration. And until then, I'll do my best to be where I am. And to trust that if I needed to do something. To plan. To create. Then I would feel inspired to do so. And would have the required energy to do it.

There's a paradox here worth sitting with. I've just sat and written this entire post whilst claiming to have no energy or inspiration. Perhaps that's the lesson Saturn is teaching from His weary position in Pisces. That sometimes the work gets done even when there is no force of will or burst of enthusiasm. The work happens through simply showing up, and honouring the rhythm of things even when we can't see where it's leading.

Jung spoke of the wounded healer. Gurdjieff reminded us that we sleep through most of our lives, and that waking up happens in moments, not once and for all. Perhaps this darkness, this January tiredness, is itself a kind of waking. An honest reckoning with what is, rather than what we think should be.

The Kybalion teaches us that everything flows, that the pendulum swings in every direction. Which means this heaviness won't last. But also that the enthusiasm and clarity we're longing for won't last either when they arrive. Just as my enthusiasm and energy waned last year, despite seeming so promising when I set my intentions at the start. We're always in the middle of the cycle. There is no neat arrival point where we finally have it all sorted.

So perhaps the question isn't "when will I feel better?" but "what does this moment ask of me?" And if the answer is simply to rest, to grieve what's ending, to sit in the dark with The Moon and wait, well, that's work too. The kind Saturn understands, even if our productivity-obsessed culture doesn't.

As within, so without. As above, so below. If the cosmos is in a moment of transition and release, perhaps we're meant to be as well. We're not supposed to push against it. Or will ourselves into false enthusiasm. Instead perhaps we can trust that when the New Moon arrives on the 18th, when Saturn eventually shifts into Aries, when Venus emerges bright from The Sun's rays, we'll be ready. Because we allowed ourselves to be here first.

Being with the blues.

For now, if you're feeling the January blues too, know that you're not alone. You're not failing at being positive or productive or whatever else we're told we should be as the new year rolls in. You're simply where the story is at this moment. And that's enough.

Happy New Year 🎆