What is surrender on the twin flame journey? How do we do it?

If you’ve found your way here, you’re probably in pain. You might be clinging, doubting, resisting. You might be hearing the word surrender and wanting to scream because it sounds like another way to say “give up” and if that were possible, you'd have already done so! You are probably hearing/reading that you need to surrender and wondering what that even means and how it's even possible. I get it. I’ve been where you are. And I want to offer you something real.

The twin flame journey is, ultimately, a journey back to the truth of who you are. It’s a spiritual process designed to free you from the pain and programming you've carried through lifetimes. Whether you believe you’ve met your twin or not, if you’re reading this, you are on The Twin Flame Journey. You are on the path and heading toward a destination of divine relationship.

And the journey to conscious partnership isn’t a race. This journey takes time, patience, discipline, and discernment. Trust that your twin is progressing too, even if it doesn't look like it from the outside, even if you’re not in direct contact. You already have everything you need to navigate this journey.

Have faith in yourself. You know what you need to do and how to move toward a happy, fulfilled outcome. Whenever you feel stuck, remember, the answers are always within you. If you need help, simply ask yourself for guidance. You’re always being led, and everything happening is for your highest good.

These are lessons I’ve been taught and guided on. However, I don’t claim to know everything - I might be completely wrong. The only true answers come from within you. Trust yourself. What’s meant for you will find you. If something doesn't feel right to you, let it go and move on.

Now to answer that question, here's what I've learned about Surrender based on my own direct experience.

What Surrender Isn't:

Surrender on the twin flame journey is not about giving up on your twin or the connection.

What Surrender Is:

Surrender is... letting go of obsession

Instead of constantly analysing their actions or wondering what they’re thinking, bring the focus back to yourself. For example, if you're scrolling through their social media to see what they’ve been up to, stop. Instead, go for a walk, journal, or try something creative like painting. Refocus your energy on nourishing your own soul.

Surrender is... releasing expectations

You stop expecting them to return, to realise something, or to behave a certain way. You detach from the when and how. For instance, instead of worrying about when they’ll reach out, plan something fun for yourself, maybe even something you've always wanted to do but kept putting off. This shows you that your life is already whole, with or without them.

Surrender is... trusting the divine plan 

You recognise that if this connection is meant to materialise in the physical, it will when both of you are ready. You might have moments where you feel overwhelmed by longing. During those times, remind yourself, “If it's meant to be, it will be,” and then spend some time connecting with people you love or engaging in an activity that makes you feel at peace.

Surrender is... shifting from lack to wholeness

You stop feeling like something is missing and realise you were never incomplete in the first place. Next time you feel a void, instead of focusing on what’s missing, write down five things that make you feel fulfilled right now. Maybe it's your favourite book, a hobby you love, or simply being in nature. This will bring you back to your truth: you are whole.

Surrender is… releasing the need for answers

You stop chasing closure, explanations, or constant reassurance. Instead of replaying conversations in your mind or trying to decode mixed signals, you accept that you may not know the full story right now. When you feel that urge to “figure it out,” redirect your attention to something grounding - cook a meal slowly, tend to your home, or spend time outside. Let the present moment be enough.

Surrender is… making space for what’s real

You no longer fill every gap with fantasies or “what if” scenarios. You create room for truth, even if it’s uncomfortable. Instead of numbing the ache with distractions, you let yourself feel what’s here and trust it will pass. That spaciousness is where the next step can find you.

Surrender is… loosening your grip on time

You stop living in countdowns and timelines. Instead of measuring how long it’s been or how much longer you can wait, you allow time to stretch. Notice the small rhythms of your day - the way morning light moves across the floor, the shift of seasons and let these be your markers, not the calendar of your longing.

Surrender is… meeting yourself where you are

You stop judging yourself for still feeling what you feel. If the sadness comes, you let it come without deciding it means you’re “failing” at moving on. You meet your heart honestly, without pushing it to be anywhere other than here, and trust that this is still progress.

Surrender is… returning to the body

You stop living entirely in your head, playing out scenarios or reliving the past. Instead, you anchor in your body. Stretch. Breathe deeply. Touch something textured. Eat slowly. You remind yourself that your life is happening here, now and not in an imagined past or future.

Surrender is about releasing control, letting go of attachment to outcomes, and trusting in the divine process. It takes time and practice, and it begins when you stop gripping so tightly to how you think union should look and instead turn inward and put your focus on your own healing, growth, and alignment.

So How Do You Surrender?

Face Your Wounds

Every time you feel pain, rejection, or longing, see it as an invitation to look deeper. What is this showing you about your own unhealed parts? Let’s say you feel rejected after they don’t respond. Instead of spiralling into sadness, take a step back and ask yourself: “What part of me feels unworthy right now?” Then, lovingly tend to that part of yourself, whether through journaling, meditation, a comforting self-care ritual, or something that will make you feel supported and loved. Give yourself your undivided attention.

Detach with Love

Let them be on their journey without needing them to act a certain way to make you feel secure. This doesn’t mean being distant or cold; it just means not needing them to be anything they’re not. For example, if you find yourself waiting for them to act in a specific way, simply acknowledge that you’re choosing to focus on your own self-love and growth instead. You can even set a reminder on your phone to check in with yourself and how you’re doing every day, rather than constantly checking on them.

Find Your Centre

Connect with yourself - whether through meditation, creativity, movement, or anything that grounds you. For example, each morning, take 10 minutes to sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Or, if you’re more active, try yoga or a brisk walk in nature. Let these moments become anchors in your day to centre your energy and reconnect with your true essence. For more on this read this essay: The answer to every question

Trust the Process

Know that separation isn’t punishment; it’s preparation. Everything happening is guiding you back to yourself. If you feel separated or far from your twin, take it as an opportunity to deepen your connection with yourself. When you feel triggered or upset, instead of thinking “Why are they not here?” ask yourself: “How can I be here for me right now?” This shift in perspective makes the process feel more nurturing rather than punitive.

Live Your Life Fully

The journey isn’t about waiting for them; it’s about stepping into your highest self. For example, instead of spending your days worrying about the future, take a class you’ve always wanted to try, or pick up a hobby that lights you up. The more you immerse yourself in living fully in the moment, the more you align with the energy that will draw your twin back to you, if that’s meant to happen.

The Hardest Part: Accepting What Is.

1. Accept how you feel. This is key. It’s okay to feel love, longing, anger, or frustration. These emotions are valid and part of your human experience. You're not wrong to love them and to want to connect with them. You're also not wrong to be filled with rage at how they are treating you and how unfair this situation is. If you feel angry because they’ve pulled away, allow yourself to feel that anger. If feeling your love for them makes you feel good, if daydreaming about being together is how you want to occupy your mind in quiet moments, then do so freely and don't tell yourself not to. Let go of the label, let go of how others tell you you should feel, let go of how you think it should feel, and just feel, and be honest with yourself about it. Surrender isn’t pretending not to care. It’s not spiritual bypassing or saying “love and light” while you secretly seethe with longing or grief. Real surrender is fierce. It faces every raw emotion, every unmet need. It doesn’t run. It turns toward what hurts, again and again, until love becomes the ground you stand on. For more on the importance of feeling your feelings read this: Know Thy Feelings: Working with The Moon and this could be helpful if you have difficult feelings and you want to work with healing them: Emotional Healing: 2 Practical Tools

   
   

2. Accept what you believe. Even if the concept of twin flames feels crazy to you, allow yourself to believe it anyway. Even if you’re not sure whether you’re truly on the twin flame path, trust what you feel. This journey is largely about trust. However, it isn't your twin you are learning to trust, it is you. You have had these experiences for a reason. You have been led to the concept of twin flames for a reason. And you are your own best support. Don't gaslight yourself by telling yourself you're crazy and deluded. Accept that there's reason in what you believe. There is meaning and purpose to what you think that may not make sense to you right now. Rather than waste time trying to validate it, or prove it, or get it confirmed by anyone else, accept that you have met your twin and are on the twin flame journey and start doing the inner work which will bring tangible progress. For more on this read this one: You Don’t Need Faith in Your Twin Flame, You Just Need Faith in the Divine

   
   

3. Accept WHAT IS. It’s vital to accept the current reality. For example, if they’re not showing up the way you’d like, look at what’s actually happening, not what you wish was happening. If you are being mistreated take action. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T SERVE YOUR BEST INTEREST, from your twin, or anyone else. Take responsibility for yourself and do the right thing for you. Sometimes we’re afraid to face the truth, but acceptance is the first step toward healing and until we do the right thing for ourselves, no one else can either. Nothing can change until we fully accept how it is. If your twin clearly isn't interested and does not want a relationship with you, then this is the truth of the matter right now. That may change in the future but for now do your best to accept it and let it go. Allow yourself to grieve. If you are not being treated as you would like then you can choose to step away. Accept that this is not the relationship you want (and deserve) and let it go. And work on step 2.

   
   

4. Accept that this is BIGGER than you. Sometimes, you have to let go of the idea that you can control everything. Yes you may need your twin to contact you right now, but you can’t make them reach out. Release the need for control. Trust that the universe has a bigger plan at work, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. And work with what you can control which is how you behave and how you respond to the experiences that you are living through.

   
   

5. Accept that this is happening FOR you. Trust that everything is happening for your highest good, even when it feels painful. If you’re feeling stuck, ask yourself, “What am I supposed to learn from this?” Even moments of frustration can lead to big breakthroughs if you’re open to seeing them as stepping stones on your path.

Surrender is freedom. It’s the moment you release the suffering that comes from clinging to what you think should be and instead open yourself to what is. It’s not about loving them less; it’s about loving yourself more. And in that space of radical self-love and acceptance, that’s when the magic happens, the shift begins.

Why Surrender Feels Like Death

Let’s name it honestly: surrender hurts.

It asks you to unclench from the one thing that feels like oxygen. To die to the fantasy. To walk away without knowing if they’ll ever come. It feels like abandonment. Rejection. Loss.

But this is the ego’s unravelling not your soul’s.

And Why It’s Actually Your Rebirth

When you stop chasing love, something else arrives. A quiet knowing. A centre that doesn’t move. And then, slowly, when you least expect it, the connection returns. Surrender is not the end of the story. It’s the doorway into the life you’ve been asking for.

Some Practices

Surrender isn’t a one-time event it’s a practice. Each day, each moment, you’re choosing surrender. And in doing so, you’re stepping into the most empowered version of yourself. Trust that you’re on the right path.

In my experience every time I thought to myself, "Oh, this is what surrender feels like...", I'd find myself letting go of something else and realising there was more to go. Surrender takes time. If you're stuck ask The Universe to help you with it and be gentle with yourself as you work through each layer.

Here are some easy practices that might help:

Letting Go of Obsession

Surrender doesn’t mean pretending you don’t care, it means stopping the obsessive spirals that take you away from your own centre.

If you find yourself checking their social media over and over, refreshing old messages, or replaying the last conversation in your mind, pause. Just notice it. Don’t shame yourself. Then gently shift your attention and get present:

• Go for a walk and let the wind hit your face.

• Play music that brings you back to yourself.

• Do something useful that will bring you some satisfaction in the moment.

• Or do what I found most helpful and pick up a pen, or open your notes app, and write what you wish you could say. Then close the notebook. You’ve already said it—to yourself, where it matters most.

Bring the energy back to you.

Releasing Expectations

Surrender means giving up your grip on how things should happen.

If you’re waiting for a message, a reunion, an apology notice that expectation. Hold it tenderly. Then ask yourself:

What do I need from them that I’m not giving to myself?

Instead of refreshing your phone, make a plan that honours you:

• Book something you’ve been putting off.

• Create a small ritual—light a candle, name what you’re letting go of.

• Say yes to something that’s been waiting for your attention.

You don’t have to stop wanting. But you do have to stop waiting.

Trusting the Divine Plan

Trust doesn’t mean liking what’s happening. It means recognising you don’t see the whole picture yet.

When you feel crushed by longing or hit by the silence again, try this:

• Put your hand on your heart. Breathe into it. Say aloud: “If it’s meant to be, it will be. Show me what’s mine to do today.”

• Then do just one small thing that brings peace to your nervous system. A warm shower. A cup of tea. A walk outside.

• My go to when I felt like this was to shuffle a playlist and ask for a message in the music. By the time I'd listened to a few songs that all said the most magical thing in the most magical way I'd be in a whole new headspace!

You don’t need to understand the plan to be part of it. Just take the next right step.

Shifting from Lack to Wholeness

The longing is real but so are you.

When you feel the ache of missing them, you don’t have to numb it or push it away. But you can use it as a doorway back to yourself.

Try this:

• Write down five things you already have that feel good or meaningful.

• Choose one to lean into today.

• Let yourself feel the pleasure of what is, even if part of you still aches for what isn’t.

This isn’t about pretending you don’t care. It’s about remembering that your life is already alive, already moving, already whole.

Each of these is a small practice. A return. A reclaiming. Surrender isn’t something you master once. It’s something you keep choosing, every day, every moment, whenever you remember to come home to yourself.

If you'd like to learn more about how to love yourself - another essential part of the journey - read on here.

Like some help?

Surrender isn’t about getting your twin back. It’s about getting yourself back. And once you have that, you’ll realise that was always the point.

But here’s something else I want to say now that I’ve walked the long road:

This path does lead to union. Not quickly and probably not quite in the way you imagined. But in my experience, if you commit to the inner work, if you face your shadows, if you learn to truly love and accept yourself, if you stop trying to make it happen and instead become the version of you who knows you’re worthy of it, the relationship you've been longing for arrives as reality.

I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s not. It took me years. And there were plenty of times I was sure I’d made it all up, times I wanted to walk away from the whole thing just to stop hurting. But I didn’t. I stayed with the work and the connection transformed as I did. The love that once felt impossibly distant now sits beside me.

So if you’re in the thick of it. If it feels impossible, hopeless, if you're tired of being told to surrender but don’t know how, you’re not alone. I’ve been there. I get it. And I’ve documented it all, written through it as I lived it, raw, honest, confused, hopeful. I didn’t wait until I had answers to speak, I shared the middle. So if you’re still in the middle, I can meet you there.

If you’d like support, I offer one-to-one Twin Flame Mentorship. You’ll have me beside you, someone who’s lived this and come through it, with personalised face to face sessions (on zoom) and support over messages and with my intent to give you honest practical guidance for the path ahead that will bring real results.

Or, if you’d like to understand the energetic map of your connection, I offer detailed Twin Flame Astrology Readings designed to show where you are, what’s rising, and what the journey is asking of you now.

You can find all the details [here]. No pressure. Just a hand to hold if you want one.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Click on the picture for a meditation on letting go

Read more about my experience of The Journey:

My Twin Flame Journey: 8 Years On

Free Twin Flame Resources

If you'd like to explore this journey more deeply, I’ve written a series of essays to help you navigate the big questions that arise - and to support you as you begin the inner work this path asks of you. They ALL encourage you to remember that you are the expert on you and you have everything you need within to walk this path with grace and to a successful destination.

Twin Flame Q&A's | Conversations

A note on AI & my writing:

I use ChatGPT as a writing assistant—not as a writer. These are my thoughts, ideas, and words, shaped by my lived experience and deep love for self-work, self-awareness, the spiritual journey, and astrology. AI helps me refine, structure, and nudge me toward better phrasing, but the voice you’re reading is mine. I use it as a tool to help me put into words everything I believe is valuable in sharing my insights. Honesty matters to me, and this is simply one way I bring my thoughts to life.